The Consumer’s Corner

I don’t even have a girlfriend, so I can’t vouch for anything this article says, but I did think it might be useful for some readers. No, this isn’t an ad, and I’m not getting paid. Just looking out for my future ex-Mr.-or-Mrs. readers.

–Jeremy Hobbs

Excerpt
The following is an excerpt from the book Make Any Divorce Better!
by Ed Sherman

Published by Nolo Press; September 2007;$24.95US; 978-0-944508-64-0
Copyright © 2007 Ed ShermanThe Real Divorce is Free

Before Digging into the legal divorce, let’s look at your real divorce — how you feel right now. This is about ending one life and starting another, getting a new center of balance and making it work — spiritually, emotionally and practically.

Possibly the most real thing in your life right now is the way you feel. Nothing else is as real as your pain, fear, anger, hurt, guilt, tension, nervousness, illness, depression — whatever it is you are feeling. The practical tasks you face are also very real — how to get by financially, how to rearrange the parenting of your children, what to say to family and friends, what to do next, and so on. Your real divorce, then, presents these challenges:

Emotional. This is about breaking (or failing to break) the bonds, patterns, dependencies, and habits that attach you to your ex-spouse — learning to let go and get beyond anger, fear, hurt, guilt, blame, and resentment. Over time, you learn about past mistakes so you don’t have to repeat them; you develop a balanced view of yourself, your ex-spouse, and your marriage; you create self-confidence and an openness to new intimate relationships.

Physical. Our minds and bodies are not separate. Emotions — especially strong ones that are ignored, denied or repressed — are frequently expressed physically. During divorce, people tend to experience a lot of tension, nervousness, and insecurity. They get ill frequently and have accidents. This is a time when you must focus on relaxation and take extra good care of your health.

Practical. This is about taking care of business, including your legal divorce. It’s the nuts and bolts of what to do, where to go, how to get there as you begin to build a new life for yourself. You need to create safety and security for yourself and your children; to make ends meet in a new lifestyle that produces what you need and needs no more than you can produce — in other words, living within your new level of income.

In contrast to the real divorce, the legal divorce is specifically about property, custody, support and, in high-conflict cases, keeping the peace. Whatever you go through to get it, what you end up with is a bit of paper with court orders written on it. So, what does the legal divorce accomplish for your real divorce? Surprisingly little, as you will see — it is just a subcategory of the practical real divorce. But the legal divorce does have important symbolic value. When you file those papers, it makes an important statement to your spouse, to yourself and to the world that a decision has been made, a new identity and a new direction have been chosen. In practical terms, it forces you to deal with some of your important practical issues (property, custody and support). That’s about it for the legal divorce.

The real divorce is what your life is about and how you go about it — this is your real work in life. And unless you decide to get counseling or go into therapy, the real divorce doesn’t cost a dime. It is, however, very costly in terms of personal effort, but here, too, you can reduce the cost by learning to avoid common traps. Going through major life changes — in other words, recreating your life — is demanding, painful, hard work, but it may be the most important work you ever do.

Copyright © 2007 Ed Sherman

The Twilight Saga tells the story of a 17 year old girl, Bella Swan. She becomes a transplant into a small town, after spending most of her life in the ‘big city,’ Phoenix, Arizona. Mature beyond her years, but socially inept, the idea of moving to a ‘everyone knows everyone’ town didn’t exactly appeal to Bella, but family dynamics made it a necessity. She resigns herself to helping manage her new home, with her police chief father Charlie Swan, and slowly make her way through what is sure to be a dull life.

Then school starts. Bella is magnetically attracted to an incredibly attractive group of students, the Cullen family. One Cullen in particular; Edward. This isn’t a story of love at first sight, but one of building, burning attraction that turns into a brilliant love story. Oh yeah, those Cullens? They’re vampires.

The series, now in it’s third book (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse), has filled a void in young adult fiction that has existed since the conclusion of the Harry Potter series. Technically a book for young females (it’s often found in the young adult section in book stores, hovering the mid line between female and unisex), there is plenty of action and adventure to keep males and full grown adults entertained as well. My interest was held hostage; I flipped all 1,800+ pages in one week.

Like Harry Potter, there was no attempt made at maintaining believability; these are pure fantasy books, mixed with elements of romance. Or the other way around, depending on how you choose to see it. Your enjoyment of the series will heavily depend on your ability to suspend your disbelief, and get lost in the story. And it’s very easy to get lost.

The fourth and final installment, along with a movie, will be coming to market late summer/early fall. Now is an excellent time to get caught up! Strongly recommended.

Official Site

–Demi Nicks

stephanie meyer, twilight saga, twilight, new moon, eclipse, books, young adult fiction

‘How To Be Totally Miserable.’ Really catchy title, huh? This (very short) book is actually a pretty decent read if you have a spare hour or so. In general, self help books really are not my thing; I’m of the opinion that if you’re really ready to change the direction of your life, a simple book will be fairly useless in it’s ability sway you one way or the other (The Bible, and other sacred texts excluded).

In my eyes, barring chemical/medical issues, you either have the desire and drive to be happy and successful, or you do not. At one time I certainly didn’t; I was unhappy, then became tired of being unhappy. One day I decided to do something about it,started blogging on a whim, and found some moderate success. Just the tiniest amount of success gave me the desire to go out and try other things; it’s truly amazing what a minuscule amount of confidence can do for someone.

‘How To Be Totally Miserable’ is written in direct contrast compared to most self help books; it doesn’t tell you the sure fire ways to make yourself happy, instead it fills you in on the best ways to make absolutely sure you remain as miserable as possible. The style is really cool, and adds a bit of humor. Great creativity on the part of the author, John Bytheway.

Half the book is full of timeless quotes that are worth ‘the price of admission’ alone. You get snippets from Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, and many other great minds; not only of our ‘time,’ but ancient proverbs as well. Reading some of those extraordinary gems really made me think, and they will you too.

I’m going to go ahead and inform you John Bytheway is a Mormon motivational speaker, and the book does contain several Biblical references. If you’re nonreligious, please don’t let that scare you away; ‘How To Be Totally Miserable’ is not ‘preachy’ in any way. Likewise, if you are a member of one of the more conservative sects of Christianity (like me), no denominational agendas are pushed. I’d be the very first one to yell if it were so, trust me.

The recommended audience for ‘How To Be Totally Miserable’ is older teens, or college age adults. I think, if you at least give it a shot, anyone can find something of use in it. Look for it (with a magnifying glass, I wasn’t kidding about it being small) in big chain bookstores, Christian bookstores, and Mormon establishments. $5.95 is the cover price, but you’ll be able to find it cheaper. Library might be worth a shot as well. Recommended, and enjoy!

Official Site

–Jeremy Hobbs

how to be totally miserable, john bytheway, books, self help

Did finishing up the (amazing!) Harry Potter series knock you off of your horse a bit? If so, it’s best if you climb back on it in a hurry. Reading is an addiction, but unfortunately it’s one that’s easily broken by a lot people. When you stop, it can take a really long time to get started again. J.K Rowling would be devastated if you fell into that rut.

‘The Spiderwick Chronicles’ is a series of five books authored by Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi, and they tell the tale of two twin brothers, their sister, and the mythical series of adventures they inadvertently fall into upon finding a book in their great-great uncles hidden home library. I’ve never been one to spoil stories for people, and I have no intentions of starting that practice now, so that’s pretty much all you’re going to get out of me in terms of the plot line.

Were the books any good? I think so, more especially for the younger children that they were authored for. Harry Potter may have been labeled a children’s book, but 800+ page novels are incredibly daunting challenges for a younger reader, regardless of how eager they may be. ‘The Spiderwick Chronicles’ are considerably shorter; I was able to read the entire series in one afternoon. Only one of the books was larger than 108 pages, but even that number is a bit misleading; the boos are partially illustrated, cutting the reading material on those pages by maybe a quarter or more.

Potter may have been a bit scary for younger children as well; something that I think you’re unlikely to find as much of in this series. Things were not ‘boring,’ but they were just a bit more tame. You never got the sense, until maybe the last bit of the 5th book, that characters were in any kind mortal danger.

The vocabulary used in the series is also much more accessible to a younger audience. At times Ms. Rowling had me running to my dictionary, and I read at a collegiate level. For kids there will still be a few words that will trip them up a bit, but that’s really not a bad thing, that’s how they learn. It’s just learning with a lot less frustration, and finishing the novels will be big confidence boosters for youngsters.

Adults? These will hold your attention if you’re into the fantasy genre; though they definitely have a whimsical/fairy tale like quality to them. The ‘world’ isn’t nearly as vivid as Rowling’s, the characters are not quite as deep, and the bad guys aren’t anywhere near as bad; but there just wasn’t enough room in between the front and rear covers to accomplish all that. The writing is good, and I did enjoy them. For most, I think they’d make nice lunch hour companions for a week or two, depending on the speed at which you read.

A movie is due in 2008, release date to be determined. This is one of the few books I think might translate better to film than to paper if done correctly, but it probably wont be. Go ahead and read them so you can whine and moan with me about what the director changed or cut out. It’s so much FUN!

Official Site

–Jeremy Hobbs